Originally posted to a myspace blog on February 4th, 2008. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuTmyIOQIhw - Ending Monolog from the film "American Psycho"
"There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it I have now surpassed. My pain is constant and sharp and I do not hope for a better world for anyone, in fact I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape, but even after admitting this there is no catharsis, my punishment continues to elude me and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself; no new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing."
I dunno, why im posting this, this was something I responded to Pinko with when he quoted a line from the movie "american Psycho" on one of my threads, I'm still not so sure what Jason had in mind when he did it, it evades me, however, I got to thinking about my random quoting back of the movie lines. and well,
why exactly do I come here?
I obviously do not fit into any catagory at all, my religious affliation is of nothing more than my own devising. if more people believed like I did, they would say we're in a cult. however it seems hard to be in a cult if you're the only person holding onto those beleifs, so i'll humbly accept the monoker "Heretic", "Apostate", "Fluffy", "N00b", or anything else I you wish towant to throw at me.
I would like to say I come here for intelligent discourse, which I do.
but I would be lying if I said that I fit in, on the contrary, I feel like an inmate in the aslyum, the only inmate, and the rest of you are the Guards, and Orderlies.
I Identify myself as a Pagan, because that is what I feel I closely resemble, that and by nature Paganism is more or less open...there is no linear point A to Point B. it seems more open to interpretation, and for indivdualization.I beleive in a Goddess Force, operating alongside of a God force.and I beleieve in Earth Stewardship, and revering nature, and to a certain extent reincarnation. and I am swept up into the New-age Culture, and Occultism, and the study of philosophies and Ideas from various Neo-Pagan Paths.but does that really make me a Pagan?
Also, I am a bit "Universalistic" and Eclectic by nature, and tend to revere all deities, Pagan and Abrahamic, and Others as Valid, right alongside the religion(s) said deities belong to, I see those religion(s)to be just as valid.
and I still read my bible, and beleive In the teachings, and examples left by Jesus the Christ, and I still bleeive in the comforting nature of the Holy Spirit.but Im surely not Christian, as I beleive the Holy Spirit to be the manifestation of the Divine Feminine - the Goddess, in Christianity, and when applying the words of Jesus...or Yeshua as I like to call him, I tend to apply a Gnostic and Mystical lense to it.
so what beleive system to I belong to really?
I like to say "Paulism" a path of my own devising and choosing. so again, I stand on the outside looking in, I belong to all and none at the same time, I am a maverick, a lone wolf.
and you know what? I love it this way.
but still a small part of me would like to fit in, and get's sad when it becomes apparent that I fit in no where.
How, when, why can't and don't I fit in?
and How/when can I / be able to fit in?
Do I fit in already? or don't I?
Hell, I don't know.
Nurse, oh Nurse..I think it's time for my medication.
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